My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize