sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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