have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
