just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
