Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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