did you get engaged???
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
