I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
