when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
