Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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