Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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