if you like me you must not know who I am
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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