Tell her she can't have a vagina
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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