I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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