i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
