That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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