carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
