I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
