Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The uberlube is also flammable
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So vagazzling was a success
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
