oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
