Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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