But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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