Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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