I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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