He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
