so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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