well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize