I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
