"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
