why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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