What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
