mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
