so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
