is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
