I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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