at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
