Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
