If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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