i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
