I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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