Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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