She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Randomize
