I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize