Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
