Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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