WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
