tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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