I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
