don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
