I'm going to jail i love you
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize