trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
