I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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