she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
