So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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