i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
