i think i have herpe
just one?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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