I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Your cock deserves a montage
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
