We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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