Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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