His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
