At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
