I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
