You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
