Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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