omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
