I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
