I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i think i have two assholes
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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