As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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