This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
